Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
