you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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