I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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