wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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