Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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