My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
