My Higher Power is John Stamos
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
