A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
