Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
