If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
