you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
