i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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