I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm both gender and math confused
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
