tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
