Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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