Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Even my vagina gasped.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
