honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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