I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
