i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
