Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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