if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
