I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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