i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
