This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
