Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
