I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
