im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We left an ass print on the piano.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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