you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
