I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
