toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
