When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
