I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
