Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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