splinters make it hard to masturbate
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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