Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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