apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
