i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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