Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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