i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
