I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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