im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
