Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
