Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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