I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
