well I can't set my house on fire every night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
