the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
