remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
