mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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