So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
