Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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