Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
