a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
COCAINE IS GR8
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
